So, today has been a huge day for me. I officially published my first book. It’s an odd feeling. I’m nervous, relieved, and a little irritated.
First, the nerves. Oh the nerves. What if people don’t like my book? What if my family reads the sex scenes and totally judge me at our next get together? Are people going to make fun of me behind my back about it? What if NO ONE reads it? What if I put all this time, effort, and money into this book and it doesn’t get seen. Will no one feel the passion I put into this work? Will I be able to pay to publish book 2? What should I have done instead? Should I have done traditional publishing? Oh, wait, that is one question I don’t have. I am so proud of myself for doing this on my own.
I feared that lack of control over my book. Much like Cleo, I had to make a difficult choice and took control of my destiny. I have absolutely no regrets over taking this route in publishing. Why? Well, for one my cover is AMAZING. I didn’t make it, but I picked it. I spent hours, days, looking for this cover and when I found it I knew that it was perfect. Secondly, the story itself. My book has some scenes that aren’t exactly pretty. I was worried that someone would tell me to remove it or leave and I didn’t want to even consider it. I wrote the book how I needed it to be. I am so happy with my final product.
Which brings me to my second strong emotion of the night: relief. If I never read the first chapter of this book ever again it will be too soon. Before I gave this book to a professional to edit, I had read it front to back about 12 times. I ran it through grammerly, my own version of editing about 8 times and then 3 times with a professional editor. If there are mistakes, to be honest I don’t care anymore! I mean, I do. I really do. I take pride in my work just like anyone else, and I hope that there aren’t too many issues. Fingers crossed! But overall, I am satisfied enough to hit publish and let the world have my book.
And lastly, I am irritated. I seriously thought I’d have about 500 dollars by now. WTF.
On a more serious note, I want to talk about my book for a moment. ‘Missing You, Missing Me’ started with a dream. I think I mention it in my acknowledgements, but I still like to bring it up. I still see this dream so vividly in my head. It was years ago, and the faces have blurred and the words scrambled, but their emotions in that parking lot, while they are screaming at each other still stay with me. I remember that being the first scene I wrote for this book. Without it, there would be no Cleo and Ethan.
For the few people who had the opportunity to read my book ahead of time, they all said the same thing about my book. These characters are real. They aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. They aren’t perfect, they are so far from it most of the time I think people begin to relate to that a bit. That was my goal. When writing these two characters, I wanted to make them horrible, horrible people. Why? Because I wanted it to feel real. I put my heart into this, and I hope all of you who read my book feel that too.
So, enjoy the book. Let me know what you think. I would love to hear from every single one of you. Everyone’s amazing support helped make this happen. Just as a thank you to all of you, look ahead for my next blog post. Inside will be a short story featuring Cleo and Ethan. It will only be published here! Just a little thing from me to you!
Below are links to my books. Please buy one and leave a review. I’ll love you forever if you do! Also, since I haven’t decided how to sign my paperback books (I AM WORKING ON IT PLEASE STOP ASKING, I AM DOING MY BEST) I will end this whole little thing with a quote from a man who has inspired me so much.
“Go out in the world and fuck it up beautifully.” – John Waters